Carpe Diem
by tlgirl
Summary: While Sam is still playing hard to get, Zane is forced to leave Glory. S/Z (chapter 4 re-written 03.24.03!)
1. Prologue

**"Carpe Diem"**  
by: **tlgirl**

  
  


**Prologue**  
  


**Rating**: PG-13  
**Category**: Zane/Sam  
**Disclaimer**: blah blah blah . . . I don't own anything . . . don't sue me . . . you know the drill.  
**Note**: Deals with premarital sex. (oooh scandalous) *wink*  
**Feedback**: I save every piece of feedback I get. I might not e-mail you back, but rest assure that the 30 seconds you wasted sending me an e-mail about your thoughts, was read and very much appreciated.  
  


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**_Zane_**

  
  
She's got me whipped. I freely admit it. These verbal games we play, they're never-ending. She's been my best friend my whole life, it was only three years ago we started these mind games. Since then it seems like our relationship has remained stagnant. It's the same thing everyday - day in and day out. We banter, we flirt, I confess my undying love for her and she casts me aside, reassuring me that our relationship is strictly platonic. She says that we're too young to know what love is. She's wrong. I might be an immature, stupid kid but I know what love is. When I look into her eyes, I see it. When she touches me, even in the most innocent way, I feel it burn my skin.  
  
It's funny how much power she has over me. She's been going after every guy she sees, every guy but me. She doesn't know how much that hurts. She can be a complete bitch sometimes and I get so angry at her. But I can never stay mad at her for long. She gives me this look that says "Hey Zane, I know that my ego is bigger than this island and I'm too good to say 'I'm sorry'' but let's be friends again." Okay, maybe she doesn't put it exactly with those words, but that's how I feel. She snaps her finger and like a fool, I come running. She makes me feel cheap and used.  
  
Despite everything, it all comes down to one fact, I love her. It's as simple as that. If all she wants from me is a friend, I'll settle for whatever I can get.   
  
**

tlgirl2@hotmail.com - http://justbreathe.vitagirl.net

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	2. Lifetime

**"Carpe Diem"**  
by: **tlgirl**

  
  


**Chapter 1 - Lifetime**  
  


**Rating**: PG-13  
**Category**: Zane/Sam  
**Disclaimer**: blah blah blah . . . I don't own anything . . . don't sue me . . . you know the drill.  
**Note**: Deals with premarital sex. (oooh scandalous) *wink*  
**Feedback**: I save every piece of feedback I get. I might not e-mail you back, but rest assure that the 30 seconds you wasted sending me an e-mail about your thoughts, was read and very much appreciated.  
  


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**_Sam_**

  
  
Zane Walker: my best-friend, partner-in-crime, my other half, and maybe someday something more. I trust him with my secrets. I trust him with my life. I trust him with my heart.   
  
It's not a secret though that he wants to be . . . more than just friends. He constantly confesses these feelings for me. Of course I deny that we have a romantic connection. But sometimes when I'm alone, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to hold him, to kiss him. Okay fine, maybe I do feel the "love connection" too. We're friends though, really good friends. I don't want to lose our friendship to what could ultimately be just some stupid fling.   
  
Ha, it's so frustrating! That's what Zane does to me, he confuses me. The feelings that he provokes confuses me. What am I suppose to do?  
  
I know that ultimately though, it'll be alright. Zane promised me that he'd be there for me forever. We have a lifetime to sort out the confusing feelings and if we're lucky we'll end up together. What's the rush?  
  
**

tlgirl2@hotmail.com - http://justbreathe.vitagirl.net

**


	3. No Turning Back

**"Carpe Diem"**  
by: **tlgirl**

  
  


**Chapter 2 - No Turning Back**  
  


**Rating**: PG-13  
**Category**: Zane/Sam  
**Disclaimer**: blah blah blah . . . I don't own anything . . . don't sue me . . . you know the drill.  
**Note**: Deals with premarital sex. (oooh scandalous) *wink*  
**Note #2**: Sorry for the short and slow updates. Isn't it the more you write the better you become? Yeah, well I'm going through the exact opposite. It's like my writing has gone far below par. *Sighs* At least this chapter is better than the last two (which doesn't say much).  
**Feedback**: I save every piece of feedback I get. I might not e-mail you back, but rest assure that the 30 seconds you wasted sending me an e-mail about your thoughts, was read and very much appreciated.  
  


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**_Zane_**

  
  
After fifteen years of living in this town, I'm finally leaving. My mom and I are moving to California to stay with her sister. I don't blame her for wanting to leave. I'm surprised that she's lasted this long without going on a serial killing spree murdering everyone in this stupid place. In the town's eye's my mom is nothing but a home wrecker who had an affair with poor Mitzi Dolan's dead husband. She made a mistake, she regrets it and asked forgiveness. Mrs. Dolan has forgiven her, why won't anyone else in this town do the same? Not that they have the right to forgive my mom, it's not like our lives are any of their damn business. In this town, my mom will forever be judged and label as a whore. What right do they have to judge her? What right do they have to judge me? None whatsoever.  
  
They think that we don't hear the gossip. My mom and I do. Most of the time we just try to ignore them. But behind her "I-don't-give-a-damn" mask, I can tell she takes it to heart. Last night was the last straw. She broke down and cried, begging me to let her take us to California with her sister. Watching her tear-stained face, how could I tell her that I couldn't leave? How could I tell her that the reason I couldn't leave was because . . . because of a girl? I couldn't.  
  


* * *

  
  
Darkness and confusion swirls around me. The raging waves below me are nothing compared to the inner struggle taking place within myself. I grasp, trying to hold on to some sanity, but the chaos around me makes me stumble and fall. I'm so dizzy . . . so horribly dizzy and nauseated. I close my eyes, feeling the caress of a soft breeze.  
  
And finally, I find clarity. I take a deep breath as I take in the minor comfort in this one peaceful moment has given me. I know what I have to do.  
  
As if she's right on cue, Sam strolls next to me. "Hey Zane!" she says brightly, " Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you. You've been avoi . . ."  
  
There's no use to beating around the bush. I might as well tell her the news straightforward. "I'm leaving in a week, Sam. My mom and I are moving to California. For good." I say. I hide the emotions brewing inside. I can't show her that she is my kryptonite, my weakness.  
  
She turns and faces me. Her eyes meet mine and we share and intense gaze. Without warning she begins to giggle, "Good job, Zane!" she manages to say between laughs, "You almost got me there. You're kidding right?"  
  
"No." I almost don't recognize my voice as it comes out strong and firm, almost harsh.  
  
She quickly turns away, she retreats away from me as if my words physically struck her body. My face remains emotionless. I can't allow myself to feel. I can't allow myself to care. I can't allow myself to hurt. I have to be the strong one. She doesn't look back as she begins to walk away from me, after a few steps, her strides become an all out run. I watch her until her figure disappears from my sight. I blink back the tears. "Stay strong!" I scold myself.  
  
There's no turning back now. I guess it's better this way.  
  


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Author's Note #3: Okay, maybe that was pretty sudden and short. But hang in there! I'll explain what was going on in Sam's head in the next chapter. Thanks for all the feedback. But if you're still reading this, please send me a review. I don't care if it's a simple "that was great" or "you suck." Just tell me what you think. Feedback is the one thing that keeps me motivated to keep writing.  
  
**

tlgirl2@hotmail.com - http://justbreathe.vitagirl.net

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	4. Romeo + Juliet

**"Carpe Diem"**  
by: **tlgirl**

  
  


**Chapter 3 - Romeo + Juliet**  
  


**Rating**: PG-13  
**Category**: Zane/Sam  
**Disclaimer**: blah blah blah . . . I don't own anything . . . don't sue me . . . you know the drill.  
**Note**: Deals with premarital sex. (oooh scandalous) *wink*  
**Feedback**: I save every piece of feedback I get. I might not e-mail you back, but rest assure that the 30 seconds you wasted sending me an e-mail about your thoughts, was read and very much appreciated.  
  


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**_Sam_**

  
  
"Wake up, kids!" Mr. Ackles greats us as he walks through the door. A chorus of groans replies. I force myself to open my eyes and pick my head up from my crossed arms draped over my desk. For some reason, lately I haven't been sleeping well. I squint my eyes as I adjust them to the fluorescent lights lighting up the classroom.  
  
"Open up your books to page 94, guys." the teacher instructed the class. I grab my copy of Romeo + Juliet from the bottom of my book bag and do as instructed. As the class begins to read aloud, I absentmindedly play with my hair and watch a fly flutter blindly through the classroom. First it lands on Alec's shoe, then flies over Mr. Ackles head for a while, and finally on Zane's desk. He opens the window to let the fly out. Who knew that Zane Walker was a heartbreaker _and_ saves the world, one fly at a time. I chortle bitterly inside my head. Friends forever my ass. He's leaving in two days. I guess forever is coming to an end.  
  
"What do you think about the end, when Romeo and Juliet kill themselves?" Mr. Ackles asks, frustrated with the lack of class participation.  
  
"It's stupid." I mutter to myself. It came out louder than I had anticipated.  
  
"Ms. Dolan, would you care to enlighten us as to why you think it was stupid?"  
  
Me and my big mouth. "Uh, yeah. The whole play is basically a big misunderstanding. Whatever circumstances there might have been, suicide should always be out of the question. They killed themselves over each other, that's stupid. And-"  
  
"That's not stupid, that's love." A familiar voice interrupts me. "It just shows that their love was so strong that it could overcome the greatest of obstacles - feuding families, the law, even death." Zane persists.  
  
"But the moment they found out that they were from rival families, they should have ended it then. It would have saved them time, lives, and heartache. Hate is so much easier than love." I bite back.  
  
"Then what is life without love? It's meaningless. What I like about Romeo and Juliet is that they thought with their hearts, not their minds."  
  
"And it got them killed."  
  
"Carpe Diem, Sammie." Zane says with a smirk.  
  
"Okay, that's it you two. Good discussion, let's continue this on Monday." the teacher says moments before the bell rings.  
  
Carpe Diem, huh?  
  


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Author's Note #2: Thanks so much for all the feedback from the last chapter. I know it took a while for me to update, I've been working on my other fics. Keep 'em coming! ;)  
  
**

tlgirl2@hotmail.com - http://justbreathe.vitagirl.net

**


	5. Lost and Not Found

"Carpe Diem"  
  
by: tlgirl  
  
Chapter 4 - Lost and Not Found  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Category: Zane/Sam  
  
Disclaimer: blah blah blah . . . I don't own anything . . . don't sue me . . . you know the drill.  
  
Note: Sorry for the lack of updates. Don't fret though, I am determined to finish this  
  
Feedback: I save every piece of feedback I get. I might not e-mail you back, but rest assure that the 30 seconds you wasted sending me an e-mail about your thoughts, was read and very much appreciated. E-mail me: tlgirl@free-your-soul.net  
  
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Zane  
  
Many emotions had been experienced in the short time span of less than a week. The realization, fear, and cold indifference followed by painful regret.  
  
I dreamt of her in my sleep. Every waking moment I came to this understanding: I lost her.  
  
"Zane, you fucking idiot, you lost her!" my conscience screamed to me as I awoke this morning. I lay in bed a few moments longer, not wanting to get up; selfishly hoping that if I closed my eyes tight enough all my burdens would be lifted. I open them again, knowing that everything was still the same. I was still moving to California and Sam was still beyond pissed with me.  
  
I lost her. Not that I had her to begin with. Years of talking about everything and nothing at all had been spent thinking we'd be together forever. Cheesy and unrealistic outlook when I look back on it. But I never let anything ruin my optimism . . . until now. I don't blame her for feeling betrayed. Our childhood promises and pacts were supposed to last a lifetime. Those contracts bound by spit, pinky-swears and lazy afternoons however had no backing in the real world, a world that we met with a resounding crash a mere few days ago.  
  
I had always been the idealist romantic of the two of us. She the realist who didn't believe you could find your soul mate when you were only ten years old. And she was good at pushing away the feelings that scared her and didn't understand. I on the other hand, welcomed them with open arms. This only scared her more and she became great at denying everything I felt for her.  
  
Was I persistent? Of course.  
  
Almost annoying? Maybe.  
  
But, pathetic? Never.  
  
Lovesick? Never in your fucking life was I lovesick.  
  
I could never remember a time when I didn't love her. Every instance I could get, I would subtly try to tell her or show her how I felt. As time went by it became less and less subtle. Now it's too late. Like a coward I'm just going to roll over and die. So many opportunities missed. So many words remained unsaid. So many kisses not felt.  
  
Who am I kidding? I am pathetic and lovesick.  
  
An epiphany that had occurred years too late. I had become jaded and detached. She was right; you don't find your soul mate when you're only ten years old.  
  
I force myself out of bed and wash up. As I continue to pack for the big move I come across my favorite picture of Sam and me as kids. A moment frozen in time, genuine smiles that capture the essence of our childhood. I can't help but smile, but I continue putting the picture back in the box. No more silly dreams and hopes only harsh reality is left.  
  
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TBC - please review! 


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